Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing. - Sylvia Plath It is 12:15 am on Thanksgiving and I have to work in the morning. I am still stuck in this void. I have lost all my money due to buying my sister Christmas decorations after my dog died. (Long story) So I don’t want to lose my money to buy Christmas and birthday presents for my friends and family. This has been my greedy struggle ever since getting a job. I still force myself to buy people things though, which defeats the sin. So, hoorah for me!
Anyway, this is Greed. One My heart wants what it wants, So I ignore my brain that tells me I’m wrong, To want so and give so little. I don’t care that I didn’t earn this food, Karma’s a bitch they say, That’s a lie, I’m the bitch, or so my brain says. I want this money, I don’t need it, But it’s there. They gave me money to put gas in their car, I put five gallons in. I’ll keep the change. Two The twin brother of Envy, That ignore others’ needs Just to fill your desire; Possessing Heaven and Earth Isn’t it ever enough for you? Greed, you sit there, In your throne of Gold bars With diamonds from the orient, With a royal mantle around your shoulders, Never considering to open your hands Holding what’s yours, Even if it holds no meaning to your soul. Three Are you a selfish person? Scared to admit it? Well, here, I’ll help you out. Do you want everything for yourself? Do you hate sharing? Then you’re selfish Greedy at that Here’s my tip to you Try your hardest to control it Because trust me You don’t want to see where the road leads… Ever. Four - Never Satisfied Warning, Want can change to need, And that need is called Greed. When you want, You are determined and you find perseverance, Construct character into yourself, But never let that ‘want,’ Evolve into such a conscious need, Because this is truly Greed. Everyone has wants, Whether you know it or not, Without a want, You live without purpose, ‘Want to help others,’ ‘Want to make a difference.’ ‘Need to help others,’ Need to make a difference.’ It opposes the entire purpose of your desires. Beware of lurking Greed.
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This is the worst week to feel wholly unmotivated. The absolute worst week to want to lack in your bed until you become a mummy. But here we are. The only way to go is up at this point.
I finished Pride. Pride I think is my favorite sin. I know that sounds weird to say but I just think Pride sounds aesthetically pleasing. I personally think I am really prideful and arrogant just to mask my lack of confidence and knowledge of whats actually going on. One How dare he speak to me like that? I, the most beloved in the town, I, the most wealthy, I, the most important, I, the most wanted. He, in his rags, How dare he question me? Question my motives, Question my greatness. I, loved by peasants, Animals, Nobles. Him, loved by no one, Nothing, Anything at all. Two You, the worst of the sins, That have always made people See themself, On a top pedestal; You, that made that darling angel fall, From his father’s palace, To the depths of the Underworld. You sit there, In a throne of your size, only a crown above you; You, surrounded by your fictitious victories. Three I met a man the other day. He was boasting about all the great things he thought he was, Little did he know, he had no friends, No one to go to when he was feeling down, Oh, he said, I don’t need them Do you want to know where he is now? In the hospital, in a deep sleep. Because when he needed people the most, He was too prideful to ask. He got hurt, really bad. By one of the people who called him lame. Well… look where he is now. Four Did you know the definition of pride, There are words with pleasant and appealing associations Pleasure, joy, delight, gratification, fulfillment, and satisfaction. Some are wholly consumed by the unending desire, To accomplish the most, Be the best, Pride is their own shadow, Controlling their lives until they are hollow. Every word from their lips, Every thought in the mind, Every movement. Tainted. ‘I’ is their sentence starter, Lying, cheating, stealing, just for this feeling. To be fulfilled by yourself, Hurt anyone just to reach the deadly light, The deadly lantern of Pride. A podium in their mind, They try to win the first and highest platform where the medal shines, Everyone below at their feet, ‘I am more important.’ This is Pride. Day: I don’t even know anymore
I need to get on top of this project or I am going to fake my death and run away to Italy to be some man’s sugar, another brilliant joke. My goal is to get two sins done during Thanksgiving break. I do have to work Thanksgiving though, so this might turn into a crazy teenager's feudal attempt to be productive. This week’s sin is Envy. Envy is prevalent in children because they have not yet developed the ability to rationalize wanting and not being able to have someone else’s toy. This type of jealousy continues to develop into adulthood and it turns into things like wanting someone’s new car, job, house, technology. You can especially see it with cars right now. I could tell you about at least ten people that have gotten brand new cars this year, that they will most likely crash, but their parents give it to them anyway. I urn this envy into a rage that manifests itself as an “if I can’t have it, no one can,” kinda thing. This feeling, I think, is reflected multiple times in my poems. One Her clothes are so classy, A mind of a genius, A boyfriend that could be a model, Friends that worship her. I wish I had that life, Mine is so dull, so dumb, so pointless, So… hateful. I could kill her, I think, For her life and her looks, Since I don’t have anything to lose. Two You, that vile monster That crumbles the soul of those That have you in their hearts; You, that makes the real serenity inaccessible, And the creatures’ blood boil in their veins Whenever they detect One of their unjustified desires. You sit there, Watching the successful ones Have what’s not their’s by right And what should be yours; You stay there, praying for others’ disgrace And failure don't take long arrive, So those feel the same way You feel about them. Three Has a friend ever had anything you wanted? And you’d do anything to have it? Would you ever say you were envious? Let me guess… You probably took it, Hid it, Broke it. After all, if you can’t have it, no one can. Four - Envy’s Poison I want that, I want this, I want it. How dare you have it, I need it. I am this sin that breaks into homes, Trashes laws, Creates a cold heart, Burns a mind with insane desire, A desire for everything I do not have. I want it so bad, My thoughts are purely focused on it. Considering how the best way to steal it, The thing I feel I must have, Take and keep, Or can’t have and destroy. Envy drives me into a new way of insanity, One that eats at my mind, One that constructs dreams, One that puts a stone in your heart, But I do not see this as Envy’s bait. Beware of Envy’s hate. Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. In the spirit of self-reflection and learning something, anything, from this project, I am going to tell you all the times I have struggled with gluttony. (At least the times that I can accurately remember.) When I am stressed I almost completely lose my appetite. Some people overeat, but I tend to undereat. I wouldn’t say that is better for me than eating when stressed, but it does keep me on the slimmer side because I am stressed 9/7 days of my week. When I do eat, however, I like fast food. I also order more food than I will eat, just to give myself the ability to eat more if I want more. Which I guess is the truly gluttonous part of me.
One It tastes so good, I can’t stop, Eating, Drinking, Spending. I want to buy myself fame, Glamour, The finest clothes. I eat like a king, Drink like one too, My wife says I’m fat, I’ll eat when I want to. Two You are the enormous giant To which hunger is insatiable, That decimate continents and seas, Just to fill yourself, With thousands of singular flavors And still, feel empty, As the last piece of delight, Falls down your throat. You sit there, In a throne surrounded by wonders, From all around the globe; Keeping it all to yourself, While watching the ones less than you, Starve to death. Three Gallon after gallon down the hatch, Life wouldn’t be the same without, Understanding your limits, but pushing past them anyways, To keep it all to yourself To make sure no one else gets any Oh, they will understand Now, you should understand gluttony You’ve got a bad eating habit after all, right? Four I am Gluttony. Greed may float up high, Pride may hide, But I walk by your side. Into the gardens, you are heading, Here I will tempt you, And home you will flee, To get some meat, To empty the pantry, Clean the fridge, To wish for more. Now I hold your hand, And go to a friends, Oh look… there’s food! Get out of my way! Give me your mind and your soul, But nigh must I even ask as I take them, And soon I’ll devour them, Become my puppet zombie, Bring me more and more. I am Gluttony. Day 5,892,002:
This project is testing my will to live, not that I had one to begin with. I understand the point of this. I mean to me the point of this is to see how far I can push myself before crying and taking Katelyn on a life-changing road trip. Fun fact: I don’t cry that often. I internalize and then shove it in this corner with a blanket of pure apathy covering it. I think the apathy helps though. I would honestly recommend it to anyone who feels like they care too much or cry too often. You always need to care about certain things but know your limits. I am currently right at mine, but I have yet to cross the line. So I am, and probably will be, okay for the duration of this project. I can’t say the same for some of my AP projects, however. This rant isn’t completely useless. I am currently making it a point to make my blog posts as realistic and like myself as possible. In class, I answer questions, run discussions, and pay polite attention to what is going on. But here I am going to treat this like my own personal journal. Twelve weeks is a long time, and the only way I am going to get through it is if you listen to my every word and understand my morbid curiosity and disposition that led me to chose this as my project. This blog post has set me up to introduce you to my wonderful Sloth poems: One I’m not lazy, I’m busy relaxing, So what if I live off of other people’s work? I can pay them back later. I heard them call me a slob, I don’t clean up after myself, Why should I, I, who has a life to live? They call me lazy, I hear the brats, Do they question me? I will deal with them later, Or maybe I’ll get someone else to do that, Yes, that sounds nice. Two You are the god of the lazy, That does less than nothing, It’s whole existence. You are the guide humans to failure, That guide animals to starvation, And the progress to stagnation. You sit there, In a throne of pillows and blankets, Never taking your eyes off Of the big screen in front of you, Never moving from a place, Never reacting, Always dying, before even living. Three Are you tired? All the time? Never want to do anything? Except for sleep? Sloth would be used to describe this Caring more than sleep than anything else. Friends? I can see them another time What about family? Do you ignore them? Pretend they don’t exist? Well, they do. When they pass away, You’ll forever regret sleeping. Since I chose Sloth for this week, it means Gluttony is nex |
AuthorI'm Madie. Who else do you who know that bites off more than she can chew, stresses about it, then makes it the best project anyone's ever done? Archives |