I mean this in the nicest way possible when I say I hated every minute of this. Look, I love the feeling of getting something big done, but the fact that i have to do a slideshow after this causes an immense amount of pain to enter my soul.
Lust was probably the easiest to write. I couldn’t tell you why but it just was. I don’t really have much to say this time to be honest. One I will have what I have, That my hands ache to touch, My fingers dance in delight, Over the planes of desire that stretch tight. What care for there is personality? As there is one thing I yearn, Cast aside all thoughts of grandeur and formality, My impropriety shall be a skill one cannot learn. I will gorge myself on fine women, Yet never shall one catch my heart, My eyes are eager for a challenge, But almost everything is subpar… I can’t wait for my interest to be piqued. Two That girl over there, In that little tight dress, I think she’s my next conquest. I don't love, I want, I need, I get. I just want the feeling of bliss, When I look underneath a dress. Three You are the most enchanting of them all, The one human souls so idolize, The owners of such peerless beauty, And an adventurous mind. There is no other as endowed as you, After all, no other creature Can make humans feel the way you do. You sit there, In your throne of pleasures, Hearing the obscene desires of others To maintain your own. There’s no greater power than love, they say, Pathetic, you think, Because, after all, if love was, indeed, More overpowering than yourself, No soul would crumble to their element To succumb to you. [And everyone knows, they do]
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Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing. - Sylvia Plath It is 12:15 am on Thanksgiving and I have to work in the morning. I am still stuck in this void. I have lost all my money due to buying my sister Christmas decorations after my dog died. (Long story) So I don’t want to lose my money to buy Christmas and birthday presents for my friends and family. This has been my greedy struggle ever since getting a job. I still force myself to buy people things though, which defeats the sin. So, hoorah for me!
Anyway, this is Greed. One My heart wants what it wants, So I ignore my brain that tells me I’m wrong, To want so and give so little. I don’t care that I didn’t earn this food, Karma’s a bitch they say, That’s a lie, I’m the bitch, or so my brain says. I want this money, I don’t need it, But it’s there. They gave me money to put gas in their car, I put five gallons in. I’ll keep the change. Two The twin brother of Envy, That ignore others’ needs Just to fill your desire; Possessing Heaven and Earth Isn’t it ever enough for you? Greed, you sit there, In your throne of Gold bars With diamonds from the orient, With a royal mantle around your shoulders, Never considering to open your hands Holding what’s yours, Even if it holds no meaning to your soul. Three Are you a selfish person? Scared to admit it? Well, here, I’ll help you out. Do you want everything for yourself? Do you hate sharing? Then you’re selfish Greedy at that Here’s my tip to you Try your hardest to control it Because trust me You don’t want to see where the road leads… Ever. Four - Never Satisfied Warning, Want can change to need, And that need is called Greed. When you want, You are determined and you find perseverance, Construct character into yourself, But never let that ‘want,’ Evolve into such a conscious need, Because this is truly Greed. Everyone has wants, Whether you know it or not, Without a want, You live without purpose, ‘Want to help others,’ ‘Want to make a difference.’ ‘Need to help others,’ Need to make a difference.’ It opposes the entire purpose of your desires. Beware of lurking Greed. This is the worst week to feel wholly unmotivated. The absolute worst week to want to lack in your bed until you become a mummy. But here we are. The only way to go is up at this point.
I finished Pride. Pride I think is my favorite sin. I know that sounds weird to say but I just think Pride sounds aesthetically pleasing. I personally think I am really prideful and arrogant just to mask my lack of confidence and knowledge of whats actually going on. One How dare he speak to me like that? I, the most beloved in the town, I, the most wealthy, I, the most important, I, the most wanted. He, in his rags, How dare he question me? Question my motives, Question my greatness. I, loved by peasants, Animals, Nobles. Him, loved by no one, Nothing, Anything at all. Two You, the worst of the sins, That have always made people See themself, On a top pedestal; You, that made that darling angel fall, From his father’s palace, To the depths of the Underworld. You sit there, In a throne of your size, only a crown above you; You, surrounded by your fictitious victories. Three I met a man the other day. He was boasting about all the great things he thought he was, Little did he know, he had no friends, No one to go to when he was feeling down, Oh, he said, I don’t need them Do you want to know where he is now? In the hospital, in a deep sleep. Because when he needed people the most, He was too prideful to ask. He got hurt, really bad. By one of the people who called him lame. Well… look where he is now. Four Did you know the definition of pride, There are words with pleasant and appealing associations Pleasure, joy, delight, gratification, fulfillment, and satisfaction. Some are wholly consumed by the unending desire, To accomplish the most, Be the best, Pride is their own shadow, Controlling their lives until they are hollow. Every word from their lips, Every thought in the mind, Every movement. Tainted. ‘I’ is their sentence starter, Lying, cheating, stealing, just for this feeling. To be fulfilled by yourself, Hurt anyone just to reach the deadly light, The deadly lantern of Pride. A podium in their mind, They try to win the first and highest platform where the medal shines, Everyone below at their feet, ‘I am more important.’ This is Pride. Day: I don’t even know anymore
I need to get on top of this project or I am going to fake my death and run away to Italy to be some man’s sugar, another brilliant joke. My goal is to get two sins done during Thanksgiving break. I do have to work Thanksgiving though, so this might turn into a crazy teenager's feudal attempt to be productive. This week’s sin is Envy. Envy is prevalent in children because they have not yet developed the ability to rationalize wanting and not being able to have someone else’s toy. This type of jealousy continues to develop into adulthood and it turns into things like wanting someone’s new car, job, house, technology. You can especially see it with cars right now. I could tell you about at least ten people that have gotten brand new cars this year, that they will most likely crash, but their parents give it to them anyway. I urn this envy into a rage that manifests itself as an “if I can’t have it, no one can,” kinda thing. This feeling, I think, is reflected multiple times in my poems. One Her clothes are so classy, A mind of a genius, A boyfriend that could be a model, Friends that worship her. I wish I had that life, Mine is so dull, so dumb, so pointless, So… hateful. I could kill her, I think, For her life and her looks, Since I don’t have anything to lose. Two You, that vile monster That crumbles the soul of those That have you in their hearts; You, that makes the real serenity inaccessible, And the creatures’ blood boil in their veins Whenever they detect One of their unjustified desires. You sit there, Watching the successful ones Have what’s not their’s by right And what should be yours; You stay there, praying for others’ disgrace And failure don't take long arrive, So those feel the same way You feel about them. Three Has a friend ever had anything you wanted? And you’d do anything to have it? Would you ever say you were envious? Let me guess… You probably took it, Hid it, Broke it. After all, if you can’t have it, no one can. Four - Envy’s Poison I want that, I want this, I want it. How dare you have it, I need it. I am this sin that breaks into homes, Trashes laws, Creates a cold heart, Burns a mind with insane desire, A desire for everything I do not have. I want it so bad, My thoughts are purely focused on it. Considering how the best way to steal it, The thing I feel I must have, Take and keep, Or can’t have and destroy. Envy drives me into a new way of insanity, One that eats at my mind, One that constructs dreams, One that puts a stone in your heart, But I do not see this as Envy’s bait. Beware of Envy’s hate. Don't judge someone just because they sin differently than you. In the spirit of self-reflection and learning something, anything, from this project, I am going to tell you all the times I have struggled with gluttony. (At least the times that I can accurately remember.) When I am stressed I almost completely lose my appetite. Some people overeat, but I tend to undereat. I wouldn’t say that is better for me than eating when stressed, but it does keep me on the slimmer side because I am stressed 9/7 days of my week. When I do eat, however, I like fast food. I also order more food than I will eat, just to give myself the ability to eat more if I want more. Which I guess is the truly gluttonous part of me.
One It tastes so good, I can’t stop, Eating, Drinking, Spending. I want to buy myself fame, Glamour, The finest clothes. I eat like a king, Drink like one too, My wife says I’m fat, I’ll eat when I want to. Two You are the enormous giant To which hunger is insatiable, That decimate continents and seas, Just to fill yourself, With thousands of singular flavors And still, feel empty, As the last piece of delight, Falls down your throat. You sit there, In a throne surrounded by wonders, From all around the globe; Keeping it all to yourself, While watching the ones less than you, Starve to death. Three Gallon after gallon down the hatch, Life wouldn’t be the same without, Understanding your limits, but pushing past them anyways, To keep it all to yourself To make sure no one else gets any Oh, they will understand Now, you should understand gluttony You’ve got a bad eating habit after all, right? Four I am Gluttony. Greed may float up high, Pride may hide, But I walk by your side. Into the gardens, you are heading, Here I will tempt you, And home you will flee, To get some meat, To empty the pantry, Clean the fridge, To wish for more. Now I hold your hand, And go to a friends, Oh look… there’s food! Get out of my way! Give me your mind and your soul, But nigh must I even ask as I take them, And soon I’ll devour them, Become my puppet zombie, Bring me more and more. I am Gluttony. Day 5,892,002:
This project is testing my will to live, not that I had one to begin with. I understand the point of this. I mean to me the point of this is to see how far I can push myself before crying and taking Katelyn on a life-changing road trip. Fun fact: I don’t cry that often. I internalize and then shove it in this corner with a blanket of pure apathy covering it. I think the apathy helps though. I would honestly recommend it to anyone who feels like they care too much or cry too often. You always need to care about certain things but know your limits. I am currently right at mine, but I have yet to cross the line. So I am, and probably will be, okay for the duration of this project. I can’t say the same for some of my AP projects, however. This rant isn’t completely useless. I am currently making it a point to make my blog posts as realistic and like myself as possible. In class, I answer questions, run discussions, and pay polite attention to what is going on. But here I am going to treat this like my own personal journal. Twelve weeks is a long time, and the only way I am going to get through it is if you listen to my every word and understand my morbid curiosity and disposition that led me to chose this as my project. This blog post has set me up to introduce you to my wonderful Sloth poems: One I’m not lazy, I’m busy relaxing, So what if I live off of other people’s work? I can pay them back later. I heard them call me a slob, I don’t clean up after myself, Why should I, I, who has a life to live? They call me lazy, I hear the brats, Do they question me? I will deal with them later, Or maybe I’ll get someone else to do that, Yes, that sounds nice. Two You are the god of the lazy, That does less than nothing, It’s whole existence. You are the guide humans to failure, That guide animals to starvation, And the progress to stagnation. You sit there, In a throne of pillows and blankets, Never taking your eyes off Of the big screen in front of you, Never moving from a place, Never reacting, Always dying, before even living. Three Are you tired? All the time? Never want to do anything? Except for sleep? Sloth would be used to describe this Caring more than sleep than anything else. Friends? I can see them another time What about family? Do you ignore them? Pretend they don’t exist? Well, they do. When they pass away, You’ll forever regret sleeping. Since I chose Sloth for this week, it means Gluttony is nex Here we are again. Twice in one week is sorta impressive for me. I must be really committed to this project and my grades…
*Katelyn laughing in the background* Madie: I will kill you. This was my nice introduction to wrath with a bit of wrath. I’m trying to get into character for this project if you couldn’t tell. I will say I am actually proud of myself I wrote three full poems and the third one is over a page in Google Docs. I am pretty sure this is a long enough introduction, so in conclusion here is my poems: One I live to hate, I love to hate, I hate to live, I hate I love it. My anger, so quick to spark, In the dark of night, In the bright of day. I hate, I dislike, I leave people dismayed. My anger so strong, I’m weak for it, It’s my strength, my power. I love it. Two You, the uncontrollable creature, That always acts by instinct And always in the wrong ways; You, whose blood is always boiling And spreading hate all over your body. You, that in no way leave Regret’s hand; What an unstoppable team. You sit there, In a throne of danger and barbed wire, Surrounded by jars Filled with the number of times You haunted a human soul, By destroying everything it ever wanted In a matter of seconds, And giving it after to your right hand To never-ending torture. Three Wrath could be considered The extreme growth of any vexation. Anger, frustration, fury, animosity, Wrath is consuming and harsh, Merciless and empty in the end, It brings no fulfillment. It is a blindfold, Only removed when you have struck down revenge, Ridden of your determination, For vengeance you thought would last. Suddenly able to see the recklessness of your own body, The damage you caused, The pain you sprouted, The people you once cared for, All left because you were too bent on trying to fill the void, With an empty vengeance, Yet in the end, You wasted years, And are still empty. Losing so much, For no reason. If someone hurts one you care for, Of course protect them, But do not lose that person you love, In your quest for vengeance, Do not hurt them more than the one who first struck them, You could rip them apart even before you come to. Watch your claws, Mind your fangs, Manage your mind, Do not lose your kind, Learn mercy and grace, Or you will be left, Holding many bodies, Of the innocent and loved. Next week's blog will be very similar to this one and I will most likely be doing Sloth or Gluttony the next two weeks. Thanks guys. Hey everyone, thank you so much for putting up with me. Sometimes I can't even put up with myself. Anyway, this is going to be a super short blog post and it won't be the only one of this week if all goes to plan (the only person I’m fooling is myself).
I was sitting in my AP World History class this week thinking about how busy I am and what I could do to make things easier for myself, as one normally does, and I had a genius idea. (Get what I did there?) Realistically looking at it I should have two stories and two paintings done by now, but I am a mad procrastinator with a schedule the devil couldn't even handle. What if I wrote poems? They have to capture the entirety of each sin. I will write at least three for each sin, which is at least twenty-one in total. I also want to mention the fact that Katelyn and I realized that if we would have done a project together, neither of us would want to die* as much as we do now. :) *For legal reasons this is indeed a joke As I began this week to write my first story I became very frustrated with myself, which was ironic because frustration is a form of wrath. I think I have been a little too eager to prove myself with my Genius Hour project.
I am busy four out of five days of a school/work week, with Friday being the day that my only obligation is to my school work. My weekends are also regularly busy with my job and other priorities that existed before this semester, ergo this project. Because of all this I honestly think my project is going to be multiple layers of disappointment. There is a very real possibility that I will only have two out of seven stories done by December 14th. With that being said I have two choices for an opening sentence to my Wrath short story. “The harsh rumbling of the rundown 2007 Ram pickup was one of the only things keeping Tobias Avery from slipping into his infamous killing calm.” Or… “The rundown 2007 Ram pickup truck was harshly rattling as Tobias Avery made his way home early. Too early. After working as a warehouse materials handler for the past nine months, his violent tendencies caught up with him.” This week is the first week that I am actually starting to write my short stories. I have decided to start writing Wrath first. I have also decided that painting all of the Seven Deadly Sins, or even attempting to, will be something that I can't do this year. With the coronavirus inhibiting a regular school schedule, on top of my harder class load, and newer clubs and commitments, it would be stupid for me to try to stress myself out over something that isn't necessary. I haven't yet made the decision on whether I should post my entire short stories on my blog or if I should post a teaser along with an option to click on a link to actually read the entire story. A struggle that I am going to hope I don't encounter over the next few weeks is writer's block, but I can't promise I won't so everyone bear with me. :) |
AuthorI'm Madie. Who else do you who know that bites off more than she can chew, stresses about it, then makes it the best project anyone's ever done? Archives |